I only kidnapped one of them. chill
Can we talk about the cons of throwing up in the bathtub. there are no pros.
Gonna post on craigs list missed connections - "I was that really drunk bitch that threw up in your car. I'd like to pay for detailing"
Just saw your girl from last night... Be embarrassed
He was just laying on the stairs and then screamed, "Is that a clubhouse?" I haven't seen him since
He said he wouldn't use a condom because he didn't want to kill anymore trees.
Should I feel guilty that my husband is cheating on his girlfriend with me? I mean, we're not divorced yet so I still have dibs, right?
she came back from her house with A paper cut , a 2liter of sprite with Bacardi , and half a mustache . we're inviting her more ofte
we're decorating our christmas cookies with birth control. so pretty.
I found an inside smoking lounge. I'll be here for the next 4 hours. A nice old Canadian lady has befriended me and let me use her lighter. Fuck Hartsfield-Jackson AND this layover. I win.
Just got a message from a drag queen on okcupid. I cant even catfish successfully.
I feel like I should remember what we did after leaving the party because apparently a llama was involved, but all I can manage is the part where I asked you to cuff my ankle to the bed so I wouldn't backflip away.
Welcome to the club of "Sick of cleaning up actual shit." We meet on the 3rd Sunday of each month. Bring your ceremonial viking helmet.
God help them if any millennials are in the vicinity. Rent is too high and we no longer fear death
I remember turning to Jon after doing a line of coke and saying "I was a Girl Scout"
Randomize
