No one appreciates an amoeba in a balloon hat.
you were convinced campus grass and foliage would give you your daily serving of vegetables to balance out the amount of alcohol you drank.
I love seeing the creepers that friend request me outside of facebook. its like seeing a unicorn in the middle of campus.
they told you the "weed man" wouldn't come until you were asleep, like santa claus. you believed it.
i don't think my life will be extraordinarily more meaningful if i let him put his tongue in my butthole.
I'm going as Jenn Sterger if she answered Favre's calls and ended up in a trash can. If I don't get laid tonight I'm going to be pissed
We did nothing beneficial to ourselves, or our country last night.
Apparently I spent my 300 dollar tax return by ordering ramen on amazon last night. Please tell me this will somehow pay off in the long run.
Do you know how difficult it is to give head to someone who's imitating Forrest Gump?
You were yelling at the bowl of salad and telling it to quit taunting you and telling you to go to tacobell
Id have to say flaming beer pong was a royal success.
Apparently, the right response to, "How do you feel about a terrorist being in the area?" isn't, "Well, we have vodka in the freezer, so we're good for now."
Yeah. I made eggs in a microwave. I think that's an accomplishment this week, MOM.
If I die tonight, you and your brother can split my money evenly for college only.
all $38?
Just made my first drink, took 2 sips feel like god
Randomize
