Okay just took the preggers test..and im NOT! :)
awesome babe! drinks tonight!
Wait does the happy face mean yes? fuck.
allegedly i woke up at 5am sat in the dishwasher and peed
you kept typing in answers.com, why are the state police calling my house, expecting an answer
that blow job was not worth the clinginess that will follow
i didnt think "maybe you should take over" was a good thing to say when i couldnt get it up
This text is addressed to sober me: getting drunk by yourself may have seemed like a Good idea at first bit it can tell you that it wasn't ad fun as you thought it would be
Ps your lap top bag is FULL of empty beets
She refuses to believe she pulled down her pants and spanked her ass in front of us
IT WAS SO BIG. I FORGOT GOD MADE THEM LIKE THIS.
Nothing like drunkenly buying a pregnancy test at 8 am to get out and realize your nip was out the whole time.
Crowning achievement. I bought ranch dressing and emergency contraception.
Woke up this morning with girl, I ask her for some gum. She says "there's a guest toothbrush for the boys in my bathroom". I can't decide whats worse, that she has a shack brush or that I actually used it
We were making out on the floor and his 13 year old beagle crawled in between us & just sat there...I got cockblocked by an ancient beagle named Bubba
Afternoon delight is playing while I take a shit at mcdonalds
I'm sorry you had to knock him out on your birthday. But that also means I won the bet that you'd hit someone so you owe me 40. dollars
Did u puke in a church parking lot? And go to the wrong funeral yesterday? Lol
Randomize
