im officially scared..,i finally realized who my boyfriend reminds me of! spencer pratt
just did the walk of shame by his grandma. what the fuck is an old lady doing up at six am?
it was like he was trying to blow his nose in my vagina
There are Star Wars cutouts in his basement. Obi Wan Kenobe watched me give him a handjob.
just ran into my gynecologist at the liquor store... i think she's found the source of my problems
my bartender licked my nipple. never stay after hours
We couldn't find him for like 4 hours. Turns out he was sitting under a tree and had thrown his phone in a lake because he couldn't figure out how to unlock it. Freshmen.
No, I don't think your idea of offering shots in exchange for bonus points to your history professor at B-Dubs was a good idea. Especially after you later told him that you would "tap that" in regards to his wife.
First of all, I don't like eggnog. Second of all too much rum is all bad. And thirdly I'm not there to sit in your lap and pretend you are Santa and I've been a bad girl.
Screw disneyland. This military base is the happiest place on earth. Even unnatractive dudes are completely fuckable in those uniforms, im never leaving
Yeah to go race car driving with a 54 yr old gastroenterologist. I really wish you'd come to have that drink with me Wednesday
so it took us like 45 minutes to get into the party.... then when we wanted to leave we were blocked and forced to stay.
....you got kicked INTO a party??
I'm daydrinking whiskey in a princess hat
Is offering to blow your HR rep considered an ethics violation?
Listen, I booty called my boss last night from the company phone. I may need to brush up my resume.
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