she's like the human form of herpes, as soon as you think she's gone for good you have another out break.
his facebook status quotes britney spears so there is always that
the guy in front of me just bought a pound of bacon, a bouquet, and a case of budlight, i want to see THAT makeup sex
she gave me a handjob while we were watching elf.... it's that time of year again!!
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i just farted in a meeting....took me completely by surprise.
so you made the shocked face and they caught you.
yup.
i can't believe i had a foursome before a threesome
is he apposed to sex in general? or just porch sex?
You know when you blow me it's the softest, most amazing feeling ever. Like putting my dick in a silk bag filled with puppy ears.
Apparently he's into classy girls that wear sweaters and don't throw up on him when they go out.
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I let him fuck me in a batman costume. Don't talk to me about needing to read fifty shades gray.
No lie. I was hooking up with a former football player at UT and mid-hookup I yelled "I'M FRATERNIZING WITH THE ENEMY"
Decided to make myself tequila gummy bears but got impatient and just drank the bowl of tequila.
It's a lot harder to work after sex than it is to work drunk... just saying.
You guys do the cocaine and I'll do the dishes.
You know you're getting old when you pick up hot sorority girls at the bar, and they write down their phone number, and under it 'we're great babysitters!'
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