Your mom can still drink beer standing on her head! Talk to you tomorrow :)
Mom wtf!?
i am about to cut my stepbrother's hair into a mohawk with the same clippers i use to trim my pubes. god is so on my side today.
hes totally cute, too bad i slept with his father
He used one end of the towel to wipe the cum and I used the other end to wipe the tears
you're the best thing to happen to me. closely followed by learning to ejaculate, and drugs.
The kids I taught this morning even knew i was drunk. One of them even said, and I quote, "You smell like my dad after he goes bowling."
Like I couldn't describe it to you but if they did a lineup of penises i'd be able to pick it out.
Speaking of gay, some dude in a life vest just goes, we should pull our dicks out! To larry. Were leaving now. I saw penis
Nothing is worse than post drunken playoff baseball loss sex
I kinda wanna Instagram the giant vag stain on my sheets. That is something to be proud of. It's a Christmas miracle.
wow. there is a man who hates the post office more than me. he is causing a scene, this is a snapshot of elderly me.
We almost drove away from the bar with a British stranger in our trunk...
There is a moment when you wake up with a butt plug in when you question your choices in life.
There is also a moment when you wake up in a kiddie pool of jello cubes where you question what the fuck you did last night. Are you still in the attic or did you go home.
HE WAS CUMMING IN THAT DICK PIC
Did I literally just offer a blowjob for help moving? Yes. Yes, I did.
Randomize
