WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
He's telling me stories about how he made out with a 14 yr old when he was 22. I'm going home.
so i asked him why he doesn't wanna see me anymore and he said he was questioning his sexuality. cool.
dude smells like cheese burgers and loose women...... i want his life
the people next to us in line are buying a 12 pack and a snuggie
I think you're asking the wrong person. You don't understand. Like I would fuck the act of fucking itself if I could.
he sent me this 10 second long video of a gorilla eating a banana on my phone. no explanation. I didn't even have his number. just. a gorilla eating a banana.
Oh yeah forgot to mention that I referred to myself as the oral sex heavyweight champion last night
Given he decided my interview was a date, showed up drunk and insisted on carrying me everywhere, we weren't off to a good start.
I will blow you tomorrow if you bring me food tonight. Like a payment plan
do you remember in the middle of fleeing from the cops you stopped in the middle of the road to make out with quail man?
EITHER I'M HIGH OR JUST REACHED A NEW LEVEL OF SINGLE FEMALE SADNESS BECAUSE THIS BROWNIE IS GIVING ME ORGASMS
I'm handling the NHL draft worse than getting dumped this week
G&T. Gin and tonic. GIN AND TONIC. GIN AND TONIC AND FUCKING LIME
Let the record show that I hate your ass.
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