you only like me because i go down faster than a bridge in minnesota
I just woke up in the back of his van. Bring me a sunkist.
you won't ask to borrow his earbuds because you think it's gross, but you'll have sex with him?
Actions speak louder than words. Her actions scream crazy.
sperm doesn't mix with malibu too well
My mom asked me to donate my child hood stuffed animals to the poor then I realized I was hiding liquor behind them. I told her I was too attached to them. She understood. Wrong in so many ways.
someone was throwing condoms at us.
no, they just magically show up around you.
She soaked the fruit in vodka for ten minutes and then mixed it with normal fruit and sherbert icecream. It was called "lottery fruit".
Typical Sunday afternoon purchase of condoms and a helium tank.
I'm responsible for my client's overall well-being. Which is terrifying coming from someone that can't stop masturbating and eats leftover pizza just about everyday.
It looks like I murdered a care bear and put its blood in my hair to warn the others off.
I think you just miss his friendship.
I think it's his ability to give me multiple orgasms.
I'm literally beginning to think that my sex dreams are prophesies
I may have dislocated my hip getting fucked on the bathroom counter
It's a charity event and she's wearing a cocktail dress drinking a 40... I found my future wife
Randomize
