I feel like I should put "don't judge me" in the special instructions for the pizza guy.
She's an ex-convict. She actually got stabbed in the face with a pen while in prison. No big deal.
I fucked her and then she made me sleep on the floor next to her bed because she 'has a committment problem'
Pretty sure the girl next to me in Chipotle just came out to her mom.
You can't start the super bowl without starting a kitchen fire making cole slaw. Its unamerican.
I don't even want to know
I just want you to know that I'm, like, 45% hard right now.
Dollar Store pregnancy tests. For when you sorta wanta know.
They have marijuana tests too!
That time we were having sex when you were super drunk, I kept yelling out, "Oh God," and you said, "You're going to need him after this." Idk why I suddenly thought of that.
well I've taken an Uber to my weed dealers twice in the past 2 weeks so it's going well since I sold my car
You took your pants and underwear off as soon as we got to Melissa's and just walked around the entire time like it was completely normal. We even ate pizza together with your vagina exposed. You're my hero.
Started dabbing in blow again because he always hated that I did it. Yuh I’m doing drugs but at least I’m doing me?
I hate when pretentious people talk bad ab corn dogs
So, my first week in Saskatchewan ended with me drinking moonshine and getting eaten out in a tractor. I already love it here!
I was peer pressured into smoking weed by a bunch of LGBTQ teenagers
Come on in and take your pants off
Randomize
