you threw up in someones recycling bin and left a note apologizing. how drunk do you think you were?!
the worst part of it wasnt him peeing on the xbox. it was when he showed me his penis and made a kissy face at me. THAT was painful.
so apparently I plead the 5th to every question they asked me when they put me under the conscious sedation to set my broken wrist
I just want a sensitive guy who will get drunk with me then take me out to steal things. Is that too much to ask?
The look on the dr's face when she asked me the last time i had sex and i responded "like an hour and a half ago" ... priceless
Yeah I had this grand plan to bring flaming dr pepper shots to some girls and say "these shots are hot, but not as hot as you" but instead I lit the bar on fire
Whoever put salsa in the kiddie pool.....your an ass. Fuck you.
I don't know what to think. Also, I decided to take a bath...sorry in advance if I flood the bathroom.
How is it possible that I'm still a virgin and you've managed to have sex in a cheetah print onesie TWICE
Everytime I try to keep track of the amount of people I slept with I always forget about that guy I met on the dc metro, where I woke up to him organizing his Special K and Molly and I was covered in sleeping cats.
He woke me up because I was snoring and went for a second round. First time I'm happy that I snore
this makes me concerned. not enough to actually do anything about it, but yeah.
I got dropped off at my house at like 1030. Woke up hugging a street cat I've never seen before. Ended up drinking 260 oz of beer. 65 types. Then went out after blehhhhhh
I am high playing guitar hero naked. Please don't let me die this way
There better be alcohol at this child's birthday party. Seriously not trying to be entertained by a clown while I'm still sober.
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