Aunt Jean just announced that her pubic hair is getting thicker as her head hair gets thinner. As a family we are just not a people of mystery.
Do you know a sam ****, im at the bar right now and lookin for some dirt on her to guilt trip her in to sex
found a naked boy completely buried under a pile of her clothes and terrified...she says she was "saving him for later"
look for us when you get to the club. we're the guys wearing snorkels.
I have now hooked up with 8 of the Apostles. I have no idea where I'm going to find a guy named Bartholomew.
Remember when you tried to pay that stripper to cry on stage?
Three things I need a picture of: your friend, your bong, and your dick.
Shaving your bikini line at 11 at night in the Walmart bathroom feels trashy no matter why you're doing it.
I like her because we want the same things out of life AND she actually wants to have sex with me.
Sooo a reasonable response to someone eating my lunch is to set the place on fire right?
I have an aggressive hickey on my shoulder and it actually hurts.
I'm in the liquor store and fucking "Wannabe" by the Spice Girls is playing. IM ALREADY ASHAMED OF MY REASON FOR BEING HERE, GIVE ME A BREAK.
also, my mom just called to make sure the dick tattoo on your arm was fake..
You’ll lick BBQ off my cock but no ketchup on a hotdog?
I informed him that we had less than 5 minutes left to live, and his first words were "I'm trying to think of a good They Might Be Giants quip"
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