we left the bar for like 10 minutes last night and moved his car so it wouldnt get towed. neither of us have a clue where it is right now.
I just saw a hobo ride by on a unicycle. Good day.
You are the patron saint of my drinking problem.
i watched you ride a mechanical penis. nothing is awkward between us anymore.
I'm deep cleaning my room right now. Not sure if it actually needs it or if I'm just trying to symbolically cleanse myself of the last 24 hours.
I feel that shower jager is exactly what this man needs after last night.
You're a disgrace to gay men everywhere.
It's 2pm, and I just had to pass a guy in the turning lane because he was driving down Main Street in an electric wheelchair pulling a flatbed trailer with 2 of his buddies in it and they were all drunk holding beers.
he literally referred to his penis as the alaskan bull worm from spongebob. when can we get married
Moral of the story: always keep condoms in your bra
There's nothing more awkward than going on a beer run with 3 ten year olds....teacher of the year right here!
If he doesn't fuck you on the 4th of July, he doesn't really love this country.
I continue to impress myself. Also I'm probably pregnant
She stood up through my sunroof the entire drive home. screaming her ass off and singing free falling..
It's only awkward the first ten minutes you realize it's not your house.
When God closes one door, he opens up a taller, smarter, more successful door, with a bigger cock and nicer teeth.
Randomize
