I woke with a ring of glitter around my dick.... I kinda don't want to wash it off
Dude, we totally smoked up inside a church organ last night. Add this to the epic list.
Already puke and ralleyd and dressed like a bear.
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE GAY FRIEND?!?!
I was too sleepy and drunk to verbally annihilate anyone and ruin their reason for being. So i just opted to sleep with the fitted sheet on the floor
My first drink last night was a 2-liter of jameson and coke. So hung over it hurt to put my pants back on
Should we buy the taco bell before hand? Not having taco bell on Quattro de mayo isn't a risk I'm willing to take
My Grandma made me promise not to drink more beer, so I'm chugging wine.
Do you remember using the vicegrip to demonstrate how wide your penis is?
In the wise words of Scar: "be prepared."
Do you think Scar was a Boy Scout?
This is the Taco Bell dump we've all been waiting for.
I just hooked up with the same bartender my dad cheated on my mom with in the 90s. Not sure how this makes me feel.
family traditions my good sir
She wasn't one for labels or anything serious really but while she was riding me she yelled marry me. It's like she fucked her self into commitment lmao she realy is a keeper bro
Why did I not realize how important my fridge was till I was drunk. It keeps all my food cold its like my own cold box
You're lucky I just like fucking you because you would really suck at being a boyfriend.
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