i spent my evening searching "the sims having sex" on youtube
we're no longer friends
Her dress is practically falling off. It must know I'm here.
I tried to say goodbye but you were hugging a trash can and I wasn't sure if you had clothes on
I just took my birth control on the way to class with a 1/2 melted jello shot I happened to find in my purse from Friday night. I told you I was going hard this year.
When he pulls out of you and farts and says ahh I wanted to do that for the past 30 mins ....you rethink the next drunken hook up
sexting while watching Peter Pan the Musical! something just doesn't seem right here
She has that type of face she reminds me of that weird girl from napoleon dynamite only taller and with hoop earrings.
She text me that night and asked how the dick was and I quote my drunk self "average at best"
She wants to have a threesome with Taylor Swift. I think this is the kind of love my grandparents spoke of.
listen i get youre a daddy dom but that doesnt give you a pass to make dad jokes
I'll explain later but I just had to legally commit to abstinence for the next 4 months
So, random question. How much should you tip a Lyft driver when you realized you've fucked his sister? Asking for a friend.
I think I deserve an award for the breakup text I sent him. Like a pulitzer prize or a donut or something.
While finding our clothes afterwards he says..."So do we like have to talk after this?"
What the hell was that?
Genius. It was sheer genius.
Randomize
