I skipped work to stalk him.
I was rubbing the clit just like wikipedia told me to.
I'm so turned on right now it's fucking stupid. I hate burger king commercials
and that's when the elephants and penises started dancing on the ceiling
Sorry I couldn't get my dick out
she must've caught on when i went out for a "run" in jeans and a sweatshirt and came back holding a McDonalds bag and smelling like pot.
walking in back of a girl wearing booty shorts, a halter and a bracelet that says trainwreck. I don't get it. The first day of nice weather and all the whores come out, are they like hibernating bears or something?
shouldve known this week was gonna be bad when I threw up in my coffee mug
Basically as long as the fan is pointed at my vagina i can cool off enough to sleep.
Where the hell is he. I called him crying for weed and sex you would think that would signal some urgency.
It's christmas eve and my mom blacked out before me. If she beat me at that, what have I been learning at college?
The chick who threw the party was all pissed cause she thought I made out with her boyfriend. Admittedly, I did, but she was throwing up and crying at the time so she really can't be that mad.
if any part of your body has ever entered my vagina you are fucking obligated to speak to me if i so desire
OH MY GOD IT'S LIKE SHOOTING FISH IN A BARREL, EXCEPT INSTEAD OF FISH THEY ARE FIGHTER PILOTS
Alcohol and I aren't friends right now.
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