9 beers later and she still looks like Gary Busey.
I woke up to a bunch of college seniors jacking off a horse in my face. Geuss who didnt move in time?
I almost got runover on the sidewalk by a car but wen it got closer it was a crackhead walking with the whole front of a car... bumper, lights and all... I love New York.
Watching marley and me... this girls got me whipped man
we were naked in his bed and he told me all about what a "baller" alexander the great was.
tagging him in all 73 close-ups of your cleavage might have been a little obvious.
First thought today, I need a ventriloquist dummy that looks like me. This week's project has been determined.
You threw up? Were you ladylike while you did it? I'm wagering that you were. Like a Disney princess. Like a "Puke Me Pretty" Barbie.
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
I rigged together two of my vibrators for more power... I've created a monster.
I'd feel bad about being drunk at the Christmas service, except for the fact that I've already had sex in this church, so this is just small change.
Just got smoked out by my boss. Working in politics is great.
Well, I guess that's how life goes for my dad. One minute you're walking with your cooler on the afterglow of a Lynyrd Skynyrd concert, the next you find your grown son choking out a drunk redneck against your pickup truck.
So far I consider it a great summer because I have had to buy Plan B a total of zero times
You'd be proud...I've an early morning wake up booty call...he should be here around 6am ish...I told him to wake me nicely.
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