Pick my eyebrow is burning. I'm sitting in the back of dolows vat and listening to jolly music and wilfgang is signing and looking food. Cute kid. Home is where I go now.
what. the. fuck.
Margaritas ran out of lime juice. Substituted Jaeger. Jaegerita not good.
she was seriously choking and the whole time all he kept saying was "that's what she said"
Umm. Any where really. Alcohol and boobs. Those are the requirements.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The bouncer said he wanted to but BBQ sauce on my legs. That Mystic tan has already paid for itself.
Mym mom just came downstairs as I got ghome ans I'm trying to act SO CASUAL as i stabdh here hut icant help bur be like 'girl where's ther Turkey sandwiche s' haahaa
I literally need you to talke care of me soooo9o9oooooo drubj gril makin a sabdwiche. SO far its judst bred and paper towel...
This bowl of cereal would be the size of a giant's bowl-piece. It's. that. big.
How much did you smoke??
Drink for every country you've never heard of.
Fuuuuuuuuuck
I am officially now FB friends with my arresting officer.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Current state of being: shivering like a new born kitten on the bathroom floor
We should leave before they realize I dumped a bowl of Fritos in your bag just in case I got hungry
I really need to get to the point where I can poop at his house. I’ve taken three shits on the way home already.
do you know why there was a glass jar of hot chocolate and a traffic flare in my shower?!! like where did that even come from
Holy. Shit. I just remembered all the lapdances....
Listen, I love you but you cannot refer to your dick as the holy sister anymore
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