don't worry, i have a range rover and a brother hopped up on steroids.. we can solve this little misunderstanding quite easily.
I would like to meet someone who actually lost their virginity in a candle filled room
I think I might have accidentally had a threesome last night with two good friends. See, this is what happens when you leave me.
i'm using my hot pot to make jello shots in a muffin tin. i'm never ever graduating.
we were all standing in the kitchen taking shots and we look over at you and your face is in the plate of spaghetti you were eating.
Now he's galloping around the bar. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
Sorry about giving you those ripped gym shorts after my dog ate your pants, but after the awkard BJ incident I didn't plan on hearing from you again
You have no idea how pumped I am. I literally plan on dying. You're in my will
Random Survey Question: If things start getting serious with this cop, do I have to stop doing coke?
I will keep you posted and someday if we daydrink teach you how to do a footjob
That BJ in the bathroom was definitely worth the $20 cover.
I remember you fighting a small man for the last of the pizza. Was there a midget in my house last night?
Thanks for the bagel and the sex.
I'm all about clean living these days
You started your day with fried chicken and a bloody
... after you woke up in your own urine
There's wine in the fridge here. You could leave school and we could get day drunk.
That's my favorite drunk.
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