Forget about socially acceptable. Make me happy instead
is the fantasy fufillment of sex in a hot tub worth the possible infection?
you woke me up just to tell me that I was beautiful in every way possible. Then you proceeded to fall asleep with your mouth on my boob.
You seemed more interested in the queso dip than you were in the hand job
I'll be a little late, "getting ready for the party" turned into "smoking a bowl and doing lines in my room for an hour and a half." But I'm on my way now. With coke. And weed.
at what point last night did we decide it was okay to let me hitch hike to another bar?
The mystery gender stripper never showed up with that party burrito last night.
Jacob lost his virginity in a threesome. I am deffs fucking this kid.
DURING A THUNDERSTORM ON HIS BIRTHDAY.
We wore fake mustaches and shirts that said team mustache ride to a party we weren't even invited to
Did you hear about Miss Teen Delaware? From the snippet they played on the radio, I knew exactly what porn company it was from. Maybe I should cut back
My dog is now used to me drunk singing and sleeps through it. I don't know how I feel about this
YOUR VAGINA IS SO CUTE IT'S LIKE A LITTLE MACAROON
I ACCIDENTALLY SUPER LIKED HIM. I JUST DELETED TINDER FROM MY PHONE.
You might see me up a tree with a deranged look in my eye , just walk away at that point
I hate when he takes the condom off to cum all over me. It defeats the purpose.
It’s like having a barf bag and choosing to puke in your own lap.
Randomize
