I faked an abortion last night.
Was just shown the photos from a professional photoshoot my aunt had for their dog...not drunk enough for this...
We just made a drinking game out of our chemistry review. This might explain my chemistry grade.
I cant yet im literally covered in lube but I will later
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I don't think of it as I'm taking a pole dancing class...its more like I'm making myself recession proof
yeah, i found the sharpie that everyone use to sign my tits last night. its dead.
you came out with your cock in between the legs of a balloon animal. Maybe she'll think you have a sense of humor.
What kind of balloon animal was it?
Is it bad I'm drunk at orientation
You've been there for 12 hours, what are you supposed to be doing
Not be drunk
I had mdma, weed, and alcohol in my system. My doctor seems to think that's how I tore my groin.
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I just got high off one hit and the. Spent 20 minutes inspecting the gasket of our refridgerator and researching ways to replace it
No one with a hairstyle like that is allowed to insult anyone for anything
I think I'm dead. Also I think I stole $20 from a stripper.
You did. Then gave it to me.
Best part though was when he wanted to cuddle and I was like, I'm going to go.
I always want to see you. Honestly my only hesitation is that my ass is still kind of sore from Sunday 🥺
It’s amazing such a big dick belongs to such a boring guy
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