We need to have an Itty-Bitty Titty Committee mtg somewhere in the range of 5 minutes to ASAP.
he recorded me cumming with the t-pain app on his iphone
Just come over and take your pants off. 35 mins tops. You'll be home before midnight cinderella
every single kid we've ever known, every single person we've gotten blow jobs from, every single person we've hit home runs with... is at dennys right now
she made me put on a condom before giving me a handjob...this is why i hate freshmen
He turned down a handjob. A HANDJOB. I know I'm no Jessica Simpson, but...
Actually, she's fat now, so...
Fuck. I AM Jessica Simpson.
I like to think of them as justice herpes. She cheats on me and gets more than she bargained for.
So the bump is from hitting my head in an elevator. Apparently I dived into a cab head first too.....
She rode an inflatable shark down the stairs. Viva shark week.
What happened to the good old days when we whispered the words beer pong and people came running?
I used to think not drinking while I was pregnant was not gonna be a problem, but I now I'm like shit that's a long time
Apparently my thong was thrown in the cornfield last night. No one will tell me why.
He kept saying "Welcome to Indianapolis" over and over while we were having sex...because that's his hometown. I was scared and confused... I didn't know if I should have said thank you or what.
Everytime I come home this stoned I masturbate in the shower for that long, its like my lonely ritual. Accept me.
Just bought shot glasses from the thrift store. I think the guy buying a winter coat was even judging me.
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