Today I realized that I've had whole drunk relationships with people. And sober me has and wants no part in it.
I puked off the balcony.
Not horrible
Into the hottub. There were six people in it. I had eaten all their pizza.
they arrested me when i was peaking, i'm pretty sure they were specifically looking for me but i was too busy rolling around, loving the grass to notice the police car..
Also I may have a condom stuck inside me, but I won`t know til I check the couch coushions.
Also, we should really buy some bandaids. Right now I'm using toilet paper and scotch tape, but I don't really think that's sanitary.
is he the 3rd person to bang everyone in our group?
If she were to ever cheat on her husband, I'm positive I'm the the go to guy. Which flatters me and weirds me out at the same time.
Their was just 7 people standing outside eating a costco chicken, definitley at the right party
I can't tell if I have the Pizza Hut shits or beer shits
I did the walk of shame this morning and his mom hugged me in the driveway
How hard is it to grasp the concept of 'I lost an impromptu saber bout and so I have to make a macaroni map of Soviet Russi, including Kazicstan'!?
This place is a maelstrom of dicks.
I mean as in stuck up bastards, not actual, desirable male genitalia. My point is, come pick me up fast, please!
I just pulled back the shower curtain to reveal Cinnamon Toast Crunch and a spoon in the bathtub. Ambien is a hell of a drug.
I'm covered in bruises and scratches. I dont know whether to call them battlescars or sex decals
This pandemic, it’s making everyone horny. I’ve got dick stashed all over town
Randomize
