I've drank myself into a smaller pants size. Who ever said alcoholism was unhealthy was mistaken.
I put so much effort into my vagina today. If i don't get laid tonight I'm gonna be pissed.
we were fucking and all I could think about is how my silly bands were glowing in the dark.
You're so wise. You're like my sexual Grandmother Willow.
Help. All alone. Room is. Changing colors. Dance party 2010, but without dancing.
I never thought that taking apart multiple age 5 and under puzzles would be part of my house party clean up process.
Yeah, sorry about that. I just couldn't stop.
so i say "rick dont build that sandcastle" and he "says ok i wont" then i wake up and its sandcastle fucking city all over my apartment
I slept with him because his girlfriend should know better than to be with him given is reputation. It was like sex and a lesson all in one.
I'm sorry. I just realized our 'big night out' ended up being you driving my high ass to get burritos and back.
So our trip to Disney World ended in the three of us stripping at a gay club in orlando.
The Universe is CLEARLY playing a bad joke on your sex life
Drunk Jeff aka Dreff thinks he's about 3x cooler than be really is and about 100x better at dancing than he really is
The bald guy bought me a shot so I chugged it and then walked out to the middle of the dance floor and told an old woman that might be your moms twin to bend it over...We didn't end on a good note though. Dude she stepped on my vans.
Also this is super embarrassing but sorry for licking your chest
I mean, if I asked you, would you cum on cotton candy for me?
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