I only make drug deals in a British accent. It's my way of making sure it doesn't get too sketch.
The night was doomed the minute I started taking shots with an apple as a chaser.
You seriously need to keep doing my sexting for me. I just said something about "riding cock like a dick rodeo"
Whatever, the fact of the matter is that I saved you from poorly planned outdoor sex by doing a rain dance and you should totally thank me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She is crazy, dude. She actually bit me on the gootch.
the remote is under the fat chick passed out on the couch. Good luck .. and may god have mercy on your soul.
My reasons for going are selfish. She just opened her own law firm. I figure having a lawyer as a friend is a good idea. Nothing in my life suggests I won't need a lawyer again.
So I feel like I should feel objectified by your comment about my boobs but instead I just feel proud. 21ST CENTURY FEMINISM, BABY
The weed is temporarily burning the grammar section of my brain library.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My team for a project is gonna have weekly meetings at a bar. yessss. they will do all the work while i thor hammer down beers.
Drunken snow shoveling. Visiting my family is starting to become a seriously risky venture.
Let us bow our heads and pray that I don't throw up in the tub
I made my uber driver take a pit stop between clubs so we could restock on Xanax. #priorities
Going overboard is basically 75% of my personality
I'm a gorgeous hot mess
I'm no doctor but I don't think balls are supposed to look like that.
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