I found out 2day that my dad was a stripper in New Oleans.
I realized tonight the smell of my dirty pads remind me of my grandfather.
just woke up with an anonymous loaf of bred in my bed and a piece in my mouth. this says alot about my life.
Omg. There's def a kid, like 10 years old, sitting in a buggy at wal mart holding a sign that reads "I can't behave"
Four minutes until I can fart!
Is it too weird if im a sexy tampon for halloween?
i almost set my kitchen on fire last night. homecoming week is getting the best of me
As soon as he lost the election, the reception's open bar became a cash bar. I have never been so disappointed in my countrymen.
We attempted to microwave fifteen corndogs in the microwave and may have ruined it. Also there were fake mustaches on all of his appliances...he said he doesn't like drunk me.
My roommates just built a mini golf course upstairs while I was sleeping.
Tiny.
I mean tony. It's like autocorrect knows he wasn't well endowed.
I remember because you made a pirate noise when you came.
I got custody of our girlfriend in the breakup.
The highlight was when a stranger was nose to nose with you threatening to kick ur ass, and you said "Is that your real face? Stopped him dead.
He climbed over 2 rows of the cab and told some random girl we were riding with that he would be in the back seat if she wanted to have sex
Randomize
