You don't need id to drink rum in an alley.
I just got eleven picture messages of my dick and balls hanging out of my shorts last night. I guess it really is summer when the fratastic, man-thigh exposing shorts come out...
Bro i heard that. I've seen so many balls this month its like march madness all over again
The fact that I am sitting home writing a resume while you're out inducing vomiting makes me feel like way more of an adult than I'm ready to be.
Yeah Greg found him eating out of a tuna can with a pill cap
I woke up in the ER. This living like theres no tomorrow really could mean theres no tomorrow.
Fair enough. I'm gonna finish off half a bottle of Brunettes in the shower anf relive the good ol' days. We need a reunion
Seriously. My vagina. Can we talk about it? It's gonna jump off this treadmill and devour my trainer.
He's carved the words "SLAM STATION" into his headboard...
these are times I'm glad I'm Jewish because the Torah is just like "drink, eat, and fuck"
do i respond to the booty call for the guy with the bigger dick or the one who has the gourmet coffee i like so much? at this point i'm leading toward the coffee
Jesus I should have learned from my first marriage not to get married again
I don't care if he's the coolest coworker, if he's living in his mom's basement at 30 you should not buy drugs from him
You’re about to have a sober threesome with a rando at a Fenway bar?
Well, you started screaming "I dont know you GO AWAY" to your mom when she was holding your hair as you threw up in her garden.
no fucks will be given and no pants will be worn
i'll bring the vodka
Randomize
