quadriplegic porn is always funny
no. no its not
I am getting my wife a tattoo just above her butthole that says, "For entry just add tequila."
I took my pants off in the cab and tried to bite his ear. Not going oout for awhile
I may have broken a few toes and my face hurts. I do know that I pissed the bed so at least I've got some closure there
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
See what happens chris. I told u not to invite her over. Now shes on her way to jail and were stuck with two pomeranians.
After 3 dates I think I'm failing at painting the "sweet guy with a future" picture and more painting the "this is the guy to call when you've run out of options and want to get fucked in half drunk to forget about it" picture.
If you haven't gone to the store yet. Can you PLEASE get me some clippers my balls will thank you later
They invited me day drinking but brought their kids. 3 two year olds and 1 11 month old. I was asked to change a diaper, I laughed and took another drink of this margarita. I LIKE CHANEL AND TEQUILA NOT CHILDREN. Can we make new friends?
there is a video of me on Facebook getting mad at a trash bin what the fuck was in your Pepsi
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
First of all you're supposed to say "you're not fat". And second of all never ever deprive me of nachos.
Someone younger than me just got married. Send help and vodka
How about to stay friends we only have sex on our birthdays. Maybe national holidays too. And days we get really drunk. Wanna get really drunk?
i definitely signed you up to receive text message notifications from a jukebox last night. Not even sorry.
Why is there multiple peanut butter and toasts stuck to the fridge door?
you going clubbing tonight?
well its tuesday isnt it
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