dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
I think I'm going to go home and read The Bible.
I think vodka calistinics prior to and during beer olympics was a bad idea
He was like an evil genius with the clitoris. I don't stand a chance.
STOP fucking him and come play in the snow with us!
Just passed on a threesome. I'm too old for that kind of morning after.
it's like a walk of shame rule, you always run into someone who saw you wearing that yesterday
Her bed looked like it had just hosted a water balloon fight. It was that good.
I just had some guy offer to eat me out on my lunch break... I think single life is getting better everyday
we need to find an occasion to wear tutus
5am, I am wayy too drunk for this. Hookers came out of nowhere. They're like ninjas. Some poor soul got the fat one, tomorrow's going to be interesting...
I can't wait til I'm a real grown up and am no longer expected to take 7 shots of raspberry ruby as a pregame to a night of drinking natty lite
He called his dick the "gentle giant"
They are like the regular squirrels and we are flying squirrels
at the time fanning him with a dish tray seemed like a good idea but when we found it buried in the dirt the next morning i questioned our judgement. needless to say he still threw up even with the extra breeze.
Randomize
