I love him more than I love myself. Which is a lot...Because I'm narcissistic.
I decided that not getting a job after college is gods way of telling me I will make a great housewife
I could be wrong, but im pretty sure i jumped off the roof after my lighter.
She just came to my house, with puke in her hair, to wake up my dad and scream "happy fathers day you DILF!" at the top of her lungs
i wish his balls had a scratch and sniff sticker elsewhere so i would know before i even went down there
The cops said we could pay $250 or spend the night in jail and get 2 free meals. I might pee in mail-boxes more often
Is it unethical to trim my bush hair with the scissors from my office?
I was so drunk last night I asked a rando at the bar to take a picture with me cause I thought he was in the band
I'm not sure New Orleans is real. Even the grocery stores sell vodka.
sorry for pouring tequila vodka and whiskey down your throat and left you to sleep on a table
Is eating a dinner of fishsticks and gin mean you're failing at adulthood? I'm asking for a friend.
I am a delicate flower. A fucked up, drunk, horny, pants pissing, delicate little flower.
He asked me to come stay with him so he could "see that ass and watch Harry Potter."
Explain to me how we're not being documented on? A gynecologist I saw two times 8 years ago popped up on my people you may know list on fb. What in the actual fuck?
If he flies out here I will sleep with him. I have morals, but not when it comes to southern accents
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