You'll put your fingers inside me but you won't be my FB friend?
I just saw a hobo shake a payphone until it spat out a bunch of quarters. what a champ.
this other lifeguard and I are actually considering paying a kid to shit in the pool
Vibrating panties would be amazing during this conversation!
Don't blame the cocaine for your eating disorder.
Also I may have a condom stuck inside me, but I won`t know til I check the couch coushions.
it's a drink the shower water kind of morning ...
These bubbles make my penis feel like it is resting on clouds.
He saved you from those guys at the club, took you home, and made you breakfast. If this isn't your come to Jesus moment IDK what is.
She said she didn't know what fireball was. We are no longer friends.
Now it's a thing. He's kind of a creeper and now he's lotioning me. This is going to turn into a Buffalo Bull situation.
Are you ok?!
I assume I've stopped bleeding because I haven't passed out, but can't verify currently.
No, you are in the clear. The police officer finally just said "I give up" and walked away.
How do I explain to work that I woke up in my underwear on a trampoline and that I'm not coming in?
Haha. I found pics last week of me getting motorboated by a girl while i was taking a shot. Hahaha in my wedding dress. Classy
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