If you could channel this insane talent for stalking you'd be a great weapon for this country. If you had a crush on Bin Ladin, guaranteed he'd be found, monitered and tagged within five days.
just shaved my legs at the gas station bathroom before going to the club. is that too ghetto?
about to try to wax my asshole... wish me luck
A true measure of a good friend is how long she responds to her friends drunken illogical texts. Youre a champ.
You always know it is going to end badly when a guy asks if he met you at a "coed naked lawn bowling party"
There's going to be a pool, lightsabers and alcohol. What could go wrong?!
You thought your socks were broken. They were just inside out.
i'm totally cool with all the dick sucking you're doing down there, but as your brother i think i'm supposed to warn you our parents will be home in 5
Whatever you didn't send me pics of you topless making bacon
He was dressed up as Jesus and had vodka in one hand while he was blessing everyone and splashing them with holy water in the bathroom.
I hate you so much right now. You got us kicked out of my favorite bar because your drunk ass was hogging the Bluetooth jukebox and would play NOTHING but that goddamn skeleton song. IT'S NOT EVEN OCTOBER YET.
Spopky scrzy skeletonssz
There is nothing wrong with watching parks and rec all day then getting blackout drunk by night
How many more of your relationships do I have to destroy before you realize sleeping with me isn't a good idea?
I like to send nudes ok? If that's my biggest flaw I think I'm ok
Want to come over and dangle your tits on top of me like a skewer?
Randomize
