I've decided to sign up for a porn membership, but it's 10:30 and I'm going to wait an hour an a half because I don't want to waste a whole day of my month long membership. Fuck this economy.
well..after leaving the bar you handed me your wallet and said you didnt need it cause you were going to find the cash cab and added 'i'll see you on tv'
My natural self cock block skills kicked in last night. I could've got on like 2 chicks but i ended up throwing up all over my van instead.
She asked if my windows were tinted enough for road head.
So apparently when he was telling people he was in Alaska for 6 months he was actually in jail
But it's not about our feelings, it's about making the men we sleep with feel awful about their lives
You told the cop at mobil to keep it real and look both ways before crossing the street.
I called her 20 times. Apparently she went home to do MORE shots before bed. Didnt miss me until this morning. WHO FORGETS THEIR HIGHSCHOOL SISTER AT A FRAT?
That feels better than graduating college or that time I tried to ride a llama. Did you know they really spit?
The worst thing about him living around the corner is that who ever suggests the booty call is the one that walks over.
And to top it off I think that was the first time in history that anyone has used "oh just taking care of her grandmother and doing porn" in the same sentence.
I imagine my service panda will provide sufficient protection. At the very least it will be an irresistible cuddly distraction while I make good my escape.
I mean I want to be happy but it's a train wreck that you can't look away from
Fuck I forgot the furry convention was this weekend and now I'm downtown. Way too high for this shit.
I need to stop agreeing to hang out with people when I'm drunk.
Randomize
