im going to pretend im pregnant so i can eat a lot then i will accidentally fall down the stairs
Used tampon in my purse. That from you?
woke up with withdrawal cold sweats this morning. spring break must really be over.
Of course I was flustered, I had a lot of penis in my face.
I want to break up with him.....but he has a george forman grill...like I need that
I may or may not have just sent the bartender a pic of me in my slutty cheerleader costume with the caption "rah rah ree, gimme yo d"
I think the threesome was inevitable when she walked out in nothing but his boxers followed by him completely naked.
He did leave his bud tall boy and 2 choco tacos, so not a total loss.
I peppersprayed myself last night. Sigh.
I just had sex with the male version of myself. looks, mindset, even our boob to dick ratio was the same
I'm armed with nothing but $4 lip gloss gum and my phone. Ready to take on the fucking world.
When we found you, you were half crying/half singing Taylor swift songs at 2am in the bathroom, and occasionally puking. I think I get "friend of the year" award just for putting up with your drunk ass all night.
But like, I don't remember getting hit with the door... I just come out from peeing and there was blood running down my face.
The last thing I remember saying was "Tequila for all!!"
If you count the sounds from the room down the hall....that was definitely NOT the last thing that came out of your mouth.
It's not even noon yet and I just fucked my professor's son in the psych lab..it's gonna be a great day.
Randomize
