just witnessed a squirrel raping another squirrel. i couldn't look away.
forecast for tonight- shitshow with a chance of tbell
my version of bright and sunny.
last week i woke up at this guys house...this week i woke up at his ex girlfriends
Ana's brother is visiting for the wknd. He came back to our place last night drunk to find me passed out naked it in the shower with the water still running. I was still drunk. We decided it was a good idea to have sex and sleep on the bathroom floor. Woke up this morning spooning and using my towel as a pillow.
Omg just woke up. 6am. random apartment. broad daylight. bunch of ppl doin coke around me. Theres a bridge nearby. I think my dentist is down the block. Oof.
Her divorce is going to cut into the amount of time we spend fucking.
I'm in awe of how selfish that is.
I totally just friend requested the girl I met in jail last night so that I could give her back the sunglasses she lent me upon our release. See, I'm not a total delinquent.
As if right now I am a humanitarian. Full story to come in the morning. It involves sex.
You lifted he top layer off his birthday cake and made it say 'eat me' in the cookie monster voice so yeah he knew.
my brain is opting to stay half drunk rather than relearn how to think. the rest of me is in no position to argue.
He went to 7/11 first and came back with condoms and a banana "in case we get hungry"
Our lives are a motherfucking joke
I got snowed in at my parent's. everyone's asleep so I'm smoking a joint in my old room and watching Tarzan on a 12" tv.
They must be so glad to have you home...
After we won that round of beer pong you attempted to swallow the winning ball whole claiming you had the mouth and jaw of a snake.
A snake? I must've been gone...
After that you got naked and hissed at people the rest of the night..
just drove past - why are you walking towards the shop in your pyjamas?
Can't talk, on a quest for bacon.
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