i kno its fucked up..but id rather sleep it off than seek medical attention right now
watching elf naked is so much better than watching it with clothes on .
I'm at a free clinic. Feel like I should cough or sneeze so it's not blatantly obvious I'm getting checked for STI's.
dude, there's a fucking musical in my head. it's fucking awesome being this high.
Saddest moment ever is discovering when your cat no longer wants to get high with you.
All i know is we had 4 people on a tandum bike, and told the cops we couldnt stop because our momentum was so good.
His rebound girl is half his size, looks like a leprechaun, is majoring in theater studies and has arms like Rosie O'donnell. Do I win?
I woke up with her dog licking the wedding cake out of my ear and her sister finishing our Jaeger
he's a fucking beast. people that don't even know him have started calling him "puke and raleigh"
There's not really an emoticon that says "I'm sorry I honked your boobs, and that you weren't a fan of that."
Does puke ruin car paint? Good thing it's raining.
Be happy for me... Or horny... Or be a really good friend and feel what I want you to feel. Jealousy
i can believe you didnt get any, i was wing-girling the shit out of him
all you did was repeatedly scream GET IT IN
So I thought you might like to hear how I went to sams club to print some pictures and suddenly there was 20 pictures of your dick and my snatch on the screen
When we became besties with benefits we agreed I could still get dick
I didn't think I'd have to specify "not my Dad"
Randomize
