M and I are hungry and we are making your pizza in the fridge. But you're having sex and we're not so we dont feel bad.
yeah well you didnt even puke from the alcohol. we cut you off and went to huck finn's and told you that the "irish cream" coffee creamers had baileys in it, so you shot down like eight of them and puked all over the floor. it was great. we cheered you on and everything
boyfriend complimented me on my new prada shoes today. he is officially either gay or the man im gonna marry. knowing my luck it's all of the above.
God dammit, you have a cape and I don't even have a fucking jacket.
You nicknamed her "lazy eye" and were screaming across the bar at her to buy you a drink...
either i blacked out mid-sex but remember the beginning and end, or he really only lasted a couple of minutes
Going to the hospital for stitches on my balls. Mom walked in on me manscaping with an electric razor. Tell NOBODY.
Please please please buy brown eye liner on your way home in the morning... I'm missing an eyebrow
I woke up smelling like chlorine with a broke toe. They know how to fucking party on lake lanier.
I feel like I got ass raped in the brain.
This is America. Thomas Jefferson would have said I want some vagina.
This heat and humidity do not mix with these braless DDs and a tank top at a BBQ.
Pounded a bottle of Moscato in my underwear while watching Pretty Little Liars...am I really gonna be 30 next year?
I just found out that there's a bar that has happy hour at 12 pm. It's like the universe doesn't want me to be sober
Literally had sex in his grow room under a plant.. ganja queen .
Do you think it would be weird to add her on Facebook?
You just commited a felony act together, I honestly think we're beyond this.
Randomize
