Okay, I have a threesome with foreigners and suddenly I'm a man-whore
they almost convinced me to put "Funbags" in the 'other names you may be known as' section of the job application
i'm just going to get a pitcher of margarita. sober up by 10. and then do my accounting project
Throwing up while listening to pandora radio. Don't tell me my life doesn't have theme music.
Hi. I probably already told you this mid puke, but thanks again for babysitting me last night. How did I get in the car?
They sat at the bar while we waited for a table. When the hostess came to seat us, they were shitfaced, and swordfighting wth chop sticks.
For only eating leftover pizza for breakfast today, you sure do have a lot to vomit up...
How was the picnic?
We played softball, except our team sucked. In one hand was a mitt, the other a beer.
Why didn't you put them down?
No beer left behind.
I feel like vibrating beds are just synonymous with venereal diseases.
guys I just made $20 cause these random south african guys thought I wasn't wearing any underwear
Also... I'm unsure what to do with my face while someone is choking me during sex. Like I feel like its hard to look flattering.
Snaps to my Ella Fitzgerald station for such a jazzy walk of shame
I GOT THE PAPER IN AT 11:58
EAT MY ENTIRE ASS COM 101
Hmmm... I thought we agreed as a group we make our last stand in Philly...
I don't wanna go out like that. Covered in melted cheese smelling like a sewer rat...
Teacher vividly described one of the times he did shrooms, sat down, sighed, and told everyone to go do drugs and let us out 15 minutes into class. I love community colleges
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