it tastes like there's a party in my mouth and everyone is throwing up
I just got a drinking merit badge from a slutty girl scout
So, apparently, "i expected your penis to be bigger" isn't good pillow talk.
Just beat my spinning in office chair record. Almost puked. Totally worth it.
When you're opening a bottle of tequila with a golf club, it's probably time to stop drinking...
I'd be surprised if he had a problem with boundaries after helicoptering his penis in front of you
You are too young to settle down enjoy your life. The window to get drunk and have casual sex with strangers gets smaller by the day.
the cab driver said that we weren't the worst shit show he'd ever seen, CHALLENGE ACCEPTED!!
I swear she looks like a sloth.... I'll toss a coin...
Running late for a date because I couldn't get my clothes out from under the dude I spent the night with in time to leave when I planned. This is my life.
Keywords: shitstorm, police, jail.
The fact that the praying hands are in my top emojis defines how 2016 is going so far
Nothing more awkward that being butt ass naked in a guys bed and his ex wife shows up with his kid....
Should we make a shared Google doc list of places we want to fuck? Like a scavenger hunt?
are you really asking me this. do you KNOW how many times i masturbate in a day? yeah. wrong person to ask about romance.
Randomize
