Driving out to Plano is like driving away from your twenties
while fucking on the counter the whip cream was conveniently right next to us. i love thanksgiving
we drove through mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu. We told the workers that were making Super Size Me 2, drove away without paying and told them to bill our producer.
How are you going to be there by 9am?
Relax I always go to these conferences hung over
You say that like it's a positive quality
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If I could have all the money back from the pregnancy test i've bought- I could buy myself a vacation.
Or a large amount of condoms?!?
Only you could be admitted to the ER and walk out with a nurse's phone number. I wish I was gay
That's the second time in a week someone has called me to talk drunk you into getting up off the floor. This needs to stop.
You found me in the back room alone eating someone else's whole birthday cake with my hands then asked me if you could join.
Buying a pregnancy test at Walmart in the middle of the night in the middle of Tennessee is not really how I imagined my 25th year on this planet starting out...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Please tell me you're not home alone watching Glitter.
Can you see in?
I'm not gonna ask the guy I've fucked like 3 times if he is insecure about his eyebrows.
yeah, i thought because of the nature of his job he would have been better at it, but i guess there's a difference between a bagpipe and vagina
You told your boyfriend he needed to fuck you in the tree because it would make you guys one with nature.
Did he?
Don't do it. It's 9 am on a Monday morning and I'm hungover. I can't deal with tears right now.
i'm not sure you can trust me in a car with 20 dozen donuts
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