so... my grandma just told me i should be a stripper
well at least shes not calling you fat anymore
I wonder how many times I can be hungover in one day
is it bad that I only want to go to my boyfriends house bc I want to see his roomate walk around with his shirt off?
i just sold a bong and some oregano to fifth graders for sixty dollars. doing something tonight?
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we had you propped up in a chair and fed you donuts. i've never seen you happier
we had to stop you from eating moldy cake.. twice.
I called my dad at 3 a.m. because I thought he'd be proud that I didnt get arrested. Daddys little girl at her finest...
Wait..I think something else did happen last night my vagina is too pleased for this level of hangover..
Based on the grey fur I pulled from my teeth, I think her vagina has mice.
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Yes, I have your ice luge mold. I'll do a prisoner exchange for the beer bong
he was like captain planet, but less blue and more nakeed
I was just giving a mobile app demo to a client, on my iPhone, when a reminder alert appeared across the page blinking "12pm: go home and give John head". You're an asshole
Hahaha oops.
i stood outside in the bushes for thirty minutes. Do you know how many drunk guys pee in bushes at 2 am?
I'll pick u up. I have to buy a new sofa cover anyway. I swear I've never seem a girl cum like that before.
All I fucking want right now is a cheeseburger the size of my face
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