By the way, shout wipes are a gift from god for people that throw up on themselves.
i cleaned the weed out of my bowl, pretended it was a spoon and ate oatmeal with it. my mom cried
I thought I walked in on an orgy of smurfs. Man I love shrooms
College freshman give noticeably better blowjobs by the 5th week of the semester.
One of my students in my 8am class brought me a Tim Hortons cup with a bloody Mary in it. Clearly, I didn't manage to look not drunk when I ran into him at Denny's at 4am. Who decided to let me teach?
Please ignore everything I told you about my girlfriends vagina last night.
Don't forget the part about the bar bathroom stumbles.
Oh damn, you're right. I have to include that. You turned off all the lights with your head. That was impressive.
I think someone cast a spell on the lazy stoner rich boy stereotype and it came to life and called me.
I remember sitting in your lap naked saying I don't want to be all looks while you gently rocked me back and forth
I just did a walk of shame on my own block. one of the old neighbors saw and greeted me "good morning, girl next door"
Well my summer has already been productive. I partially caused a divorce.
I'm sad about how hungover I'm gonna feel tomorrow.
i sent him a picture of his friend's dick and told him he should really stop thinking he's my only option.
Please come check out theses cougars grinding on a pole. I feel like they're showing us up and we need a duel stat
He stood up through the sunroof yelling "CHOCOLATE MILK BITCHESSSS!!!! YOU AIN'T WORTH SHIT NOW!!!" the sad part is he wasn't even drunk yet. I worry about him sometimes.
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