Whatever my ex gf's roomates talked shit about me so I jizzed in their shampoo bottle one night
Have u ever been so drunk that pissing urself felt like a better idea than walking to the bathroom? I entered those waters last night
dude all my bootycalls are going to Eclipse tonight... Do I really want it that bad?
I truly believe that the solid foundation of any healthy relationship is a drunken one night stand so I can just get all the nasty shit out on the table
he was grinding on you and dedicated the song "I'm in Love With a Stripper" to you then started taking his own clothes off
So I woke up in a strange bed with a note taped to my arm giving me directions back to my brothers apartment.
Just got home and found him passed out with his ass stuck in a Rubbermaid garbage can. He must have been like that for a few hours
Ummmm you know you're drinking vodka out of a Skittles bag, right?
Why must everything this weekend have to do with something going into or coming out of my vagina?
I told him i turn boys gay hoping that would scare him off. Finally i found a way to take advantage of my disability.
I feel badly that he has cancer, but this does not mean I am obligated to have sex with him. Again.
Nothing kills the mood like him going to slap my ass and he hits his balls at the same time
I mean seriously...It's like the universe is saying "your vagina is closed, move along"
I had sex upstairs in my parents house, and my mom texted me and said "those raccoons are out of control in the walls."
Then you guys just all showered together...?
Randomize
