he kind of looks like leonardo dicaprio...in whats eating gilbert grape
wtf, did you fuck a retard?!
i now have a sippy cup solely for the purpose of drinking alcohol out of...am i an alcoholic?
MRIs the morning after St. Patty's Day was a poor choice.
It only takes once for you to drunkly piss on a chick for her to lose interest in you.
gave you a haircut while you slept. Please don't kill me.
Just found a ramen cup in the stall and all of the showers running with no one in them. WHERE ARE YOU?
Snuck into a camper in someone's yard. Hotboxing. Can't wait until they go in it.
i just keep picturing us drunk surrounded by kittens.
I knew it would be a shit show so I just went ahead and took plan b before I even got there. How's that for responsible?
In sex ed. they really need to include a lesson on saying tampon in foreign languages, just in case.... Trying to ask the woman at the reception desk, who barely speaks English, for one just turned into an awkward game of charades.
Ok let me just clear up this blowjob thing first so we can talk about your grandpa
So now I'm lying here in bed taking notes from Teen Mom... I fucked up
So I considered mediating this morning and instead I master-bated...same thing right?
I agree with that homeless guy though, you do need a haircut
Remember that time we were together? Yeah, I don't miss that.
Randomize
