saw "Pah-jure" lube. Thought of you. Wearing the same clothes to work tomorrow.
I stayed in, ate a pint of Hagen daas and watched a movie about aids. Soooooooo single.
That girl would be way hotter if she changed her face.
and my souvenir for the night was a nice ambulance blanket
Walk-of-shaming home in that dress you got arrested in. Six guys called out your name when I walked past. I've never been more proud of us.
gay flight attendant. racoons. kegels. bartender with missing teeth. too many birthdays. fucckk.
I fucking love my neighbors. I offered him chocolate and somehow it turned into a sexual proposition.
Would I chase a raccoon with a flaming stick sober?
Pictures of drunk me in a bike helmet are like McDonald's collectible toys. There's sooo many, but NO ONE has seen all of them.
He picked me up in the very car he devirginized me in, his moms toyota.
I'm cutting her off I can't have my good name soiled with these kinds of shenanigans
Shit is preposterous
I was just giving a mobile app demo to a client, on my iPhone, when a reminder alert appeared across the page blinking "12pm: go home and give John head". You're an asshole
Hahaha oops.
Sometimes being bisexual is a curse. Turns out I banged both of her older twin brothers last summer.
you've already made the comitment to pee in public you should at least whip your dick out
Looking back, we probably shouldn't have chased alcohol with more alcohol
Drunk me made cabbage burritos at 1am after going to hustler hollywood.\nI bought socks. Lol
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