Godddamnit i jsu woke up in oharee. My connecxtion left an hro ago. Thosse flight atttendants can DRinK
3am cut off hipster s***'s afro on porch. Opened champagne. Felt like delilah cutting off samson's hair. Then shower & anal. So I guess his powers are intact.
we're going to dress like we're asking for it, because we are
Awkward interaction of the day: Staring at some guy trying out if he is or is not the guy that woke me up yesterday by getting arrested in front of my apartment.
I have your dog in a headlock. Se wants my mushrooms.
Cuz last time you told me I was going to be shocked about something you got a hand job from a stripper in canada
I still havent gotten an apartment yet, so I crash random college parties...get so drunk and then sleep on their couch
It's like we come as a package. Your slogan should be "be in my family, sleep with my roommate."
My slogan can be "bonding the family together. One dick at a time."
damn. i can't believe how fast that went from 0 to lesbian
im eating mac and cheese with a makeup brush. there is wayyyyy too much wrong with this night.
I just crawled out of bed at 5AM to make her a peanut butter and Nutella sandwich. Somewhere in the distance, I could hear whips cracking.
I'm dying. The alcohol is viciously exiting my tiny body.
Why do pants feel so unnatural once you enter your own house
I think I just scared the sex out of my booty call. He saw me at the grocery store using one of those "future mother" parking spots right next to the handicap ones. He just made eye contact and drove off. I regret my laziness.
If I take a couple more shots I won't even know he's a Mormon that drives a motorcycle
Randomize
