Little spoons don't ask big questions
just had sex in his gielfriend's bed, and puked all over it. i need to get out of here.
she said if she won the lottery she'd fuck me... isn't that like government funded prostitution?
She's like the little sister I never had ... except for the fact we're having sex.
Hangovers were designed by God when he decided that so far he had taken it WAY TOO EASY on me.
Excused from finishing the term project because my lab partner got arrested. For the second year in a row. Public school, I love you.
It was honestly the most delicious alcohol I've ever drank, plus the added risk of going blind from methanol poisoning really enhanced the experience.
I'm so pissed my boobs hit the emergency stop button during my workout
maybe these stereotypes wouldn't come up if you would stop taking body shots off another
We're using joints as your birthday candles
Hurry there's four guys dressed up as a bachelorette party, one has a condom veil and the rest are selling candy bouquets and asking if anyone wants to get laid for $5
somehow this went from sexting to explaining my eating disorder.
Kinda hard to look your partner in the face the day after a rousing game of How Many Ways Can I Capture Your Penis.
Is it inappropriate to match with someone on tinder just to ask if the friend in his profile picture is single?
all i remember is walking home without my pants on... when i woke up i was sleeping in between my parents in their bed, no more whiskey wednesdays
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