remember when she hit me with her car by accident, well apparently it wasn't an accident.
I'm going to let the use of the word "hella" slide considering I have sperm older than you.
I'm wearing this super skanky ass dress that's wayyy to slutty for church but I think Jesus will appreciate it because i look so bangin for his bday.
she texted him the burrito order while she was puking in the Del Taco parking lot...
I woke up pulling sunflower seeds out of my vagina. That kind of night.
you go from almost hooking up with the hottest guy at the party, to going home with your ex....how is that even mathematically possible
Sex with him was like teaching a two year old how to work a machine gun
Dude, you need to understand there is a fine line between "guilty pleasure" and in the closet gay
Someone drunkenly cleaned and organized my car last night... Nothing's missing, so that's a plus.
just really comprehended the fact that I'm getting high at the same place I used to play as a child. the nostalgia and thc is mixing together in one, intense wave. WHO HAVE I BECOME
Are you saying being a wizard and going to hogwarts wouldn't be life changing, believe in magic you fucking muggle
The chances of me making out with someone next weekend are about the same as me not remembering it.
I just blacked back in and I'm at a kids birthday party in a suit and people are calling me uncle Carl. Never having your homemade liquor again.
I DONT HAVE A FUCKING JOB RIGHT NOW. DO YOU THINK I HAVE TIME TO WASTE GOING BACK AND FORTH WITH SOMEONE WHOS LYING, ABOUT LYING, AND JUST BEING A LIAR? HONESTLY, YES I DO HAVE TIME. BUT I HAVE A FUCKING LOT BETTER THINGS I COULD BE WASTING MY TIME DOING. LIKE ORGANIZING MY POKEMON CARD COLLECTION.
On a brighter more disgusting note...... I think I just shart myself but I'm too afraid to find out.
Randomize
