Buhtt sex?
she just walked in and said "well, I got peed on again"...
I might never shower again without beer.. I might also always drink naked
We played shuffleboard at the bar last night...another sign we are getting tooooo old.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This has been your unwelcomed wake-up call, brought to you by exes united. Have a good day, to opt out please type "STOP", to continue but act as though they do not exist please enter "DON'T CARE" for random daily wake up texts by exes united please press "PSYCHO!"
Haha, oh man. I'm awake now. Slept in my headdress.
so i guess now we know you can get away with peeing mere feet from the Capitol if you shout IM PREGNANT at the guards
A man in a black on black escalade pulled up next to me, and told me he was sent to pick me up by you.
His name is Tyreece. He will take you to the weed emporium, population me.
It'll be a pair of asscheeks that light up when they're summoned.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Woke up at 10 with bourbon being shoved down my throat and him yelling, "shot train! Don't be a bitch"
I've got a 90 day supply of amoxicillin in case of zombie or chlamydia outbreak
He held my hair back for me while i vomited in my driveway last night and i repayed him by farting mid-heave.
Your vagina is not a steamboat from the 1800's
I woke up and found that i was using my computer as a pillow. i had 53 pages of random letters on Microsoft word
she said she was so hungover this morning in a way that sounded like she was apologizing for thinking she was attracted to me last night...
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