You drank the expired grape juice because you were convinced it had fermented into wine...you have a problem.
Well he's in a two year college so technically hes a senior. At least can we just pretend I'm not robbing the cradle.
I could end up kidnapped. Or worse, the night will be really awkward.
There is a newly found video on my phone of me following you to the bathroom to watch you throw up. sorry I didn't hold your hair
and lets be real... who can blow a middle school class's sunday school teacher and keep a straight face ever again? NOBODY.
I didn't ride the struggle bus so much as drive it backwards off a cliff.
The thing i'm gunna miss the most about college is peeing while brushing my teeth in the shower without being judged. You just can't do that anywhere else
There should be a rule. If your dick is under 6 inches, you are not allowed to dress as Thor.
She took the fish and put it in the hot tub, then turned on the jets. She said she was training it for the Olympics.
So what's going on?
We hit boys town to get stupid. I mean invading Iraq stupid.
He asked me not to hook up with anyone else because it would hurt his feelings.. while his arm was around his pregnant girlfriend.
Yes, let me tell you about the time I was forcibly locked in a bathroom when my ex-girlfriend was having a bad shroom trip.
Why am I not blowing coke off your ass at my apartment?
Positive reinforcement! I'm training him for being a good boy and coming over. He gets sex and cookies.
Also: that bruise on my leg where you left like 3 sets of teeth marks keeps getting run into the corners of desks and shit. And I can't even complain to anyone at work
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