sometime during the course of last night, i decided to get donuts for this morning. i'm a fucking genius when i smoke.
I made the bartender pinky promise me there was still vodka in my drinks.
he's got a countert top full of yard sale blenders so id say maragita wednesdays is a go.
He burnt a smiley face into the screen with a cigarette, peed in my tub and then tried to take off his pants. tried...
Why is your name on a gluestick in a plastic baggy stuck to my door?
I drank entirely too much. My skin hurts to wear
i have 90 minutes to kick this food poisoning or josh's first experience with buttsex will be his last
Instead of sending me a picture of his dick, he sent me a drawing of it on drawsomething. This game is getting out of control.
Apparently when it was last call I jumped up on the bar and told everyone to get the fuck out, which was immediately followed by a round of applause from the bouncers/bartenders and my tab getting paid as well.
I was just thinking about our drunk conversation about having sex with elephants the other night. Love you bud. Stay strong.
My left boob kept making random appearances last night.
But he was still all, "YOU TEXTED TONY WHILE YOU WERE GETTING FUCKED?!" Like THAT was the weird part.
I got the security footage. Thank you boobies!
My purse is full of condoms and money.
I like where this is going...
He showed up at my house drunk with a pizza and said he wanted to lazily finger me while I watched supernatural. Who was I to say no?
Randomize
