so I guess it's not okay to mix vodka and ..everything and then proceed to offer a lap dance to ...everyone.
ejected that DVD during the department meeting.. it was our porn from last night. I have a new nick-name at work.
I love family holidays its the only time when playing beer pong, and smoking hookah with my family isnt looked down upon
I should start riding the bus again so I can drink all day
True life. I have to get a nose job due to a deviated septum from blowing coke. Thank you college.
My fake id got more birthday sex than I've had in my life.
He broke into my house just to tell me the door was locked.
My suggestion is that you just get high and set shit on fire
What if he turns back to me, finds me seemingly fondling my breasts, and thinks I'm turned on by eagles?
Wednesday is good, I needed the head count for the orgy, caroling can happen with as few as 2 people. There will be a pinata.
For the caroling or the orgy?
Just got offered bathroom sex. I've never been more flattered.
These are the last few fleeting sober moments of the day for me. If there is anything you need me to do today, please tell me now
Maybe I'm not hungover. Maybe I'm actually dying.
i had to win in rock paper scissors, get called a fat whore, and make two dudes get in a fight so we could call next game on the table and you make zero cups. thanks asshole.
oh he pulled my dick out. wanna come over after he leaves
GET OFF YOUR PHONE
Randomize
