Why don't I have your new number? And who have I been texting?
im watching my roommate bang this girl. she doesn't look like she's any good, because he has a bored look on his face...
I would really like to get high with Bill Nye. I'm being dead serious. Every step I take is literally a step I take because it will take me closer to Science Guy high.
We could get him to build Inspector Gadget.
I didn't know you were high TOOOO!!!
Word to the wise: do not smoke before going grocery shopping with only 12 bucks. So stressful.
I looked her in the eye and told her I was 'balls deep' in love with her...She said that wasn't saying much. Time to drink away the sadness...
She woke up with blood running down her face and asked the EMS guy where the keg was
For once I'd like to have a Taco Sunday without having some random drunk chick flee my house half naked and in tears.
I tried telling you she just blew me in the bathroom but you were too busy making out with her to listen
If I have to take him to the hospital, I'm drawing dicks on his face
It's like he's trying to get head in every car except his.
We have a guy passed out in the bathroom with one of our pots. Not sure if he's your friend so I let him be
So apparently I threw a potted plant at a clown last night and told him to get his life together.
I woke up to a shot of jager next to my face. I felt bad for it so i drank it
She sent me a video of herself sitting in the car stone faced listening to the Titanic song on silence. She won't answer my texts.
using my tits for other peoples nudes hit me up business in the making
Randomize
