I just lost $50 at the races, got drunk, and woke up to my ex-gf. Apparently the good decisions kept on rolling...
you cant keep talent like that locked up in a relationship
She brought a box of chocolates to give the bartender and now he's giving her free shots.. Why didn't we think of that?
So, I was thinking... Since this restraining order doesn't go into affect until monday, that leaves us 5 days to wreck his world.
How high are you?
I feel like breakfast can just fly into my mouth
So again no comment on the cleavage. I'm a bit disappointed. If those girls come together to make cleavage AND I send you a pic of it, you have to comment on it. That's like relationship 101.
There is someone out there for you right now. And we will find her. Or him. Her. Her, we'll start with tits.
His crazy is a thing to be cherished
I think you just described to us the most perfect drunken fairy tale that has somehow never been written
Owwww. A manager/ employee sex scandal that DOES NOT involve me! SCORE!!!
How does one acquire holy water?
I woke up and finished the bottle like a champ
when they cut me off i played the entire Justin Bieber playlist and left for another bar that didn't think i'd had enough to drink
You'll be pleased to know I just had an elaborate day dream about your penis. you were there too.
After he finished, he fell on the floor and whispered "finally satisfied"
Randomize
