Not that I thought your boyfriend was a phile
But the whole crossing guard thing? Weird.
Coming down off exstacy at a church event. Resisting the urge to dance to the church hymns.
i'm sorry, i thought "hey, she wants TO FUCK YOU" was a good enough cue
if you hear someone banging on your door early in the morning, it's me with some breakfast burritos, so don't be alarmed
drunk tastebuds have low standards.
i feel like the wall was a canvas for his penis.
See this is why people shouldn't jump into marriage. See what type of drunk you're engaged to first.
What is a foreign vacation of stupidity without some fake names?
I'm sorry, you might have to start setting aside some time in your day for my pussy.
T minus 20 hours until we forget our names, find some city cowboys, and g&t into the night.
Just had sex in the room next to my parents. Heading back to school ASAP.
He told me he was cooking me a special dinner tonight. His "five star meal" was popcorn in champagne glasses, and chic fil a sauce in jello shot containers to dip the popcorn in. He still tries to convince me he doesn't smoke weed anymore.
He's smoked my weed, stolen my cigarettes, and used my campus cash, but I try to initiate sex and NOWWW he's all "As your RA, that's a line I can't cross"
bonging vodka is the same level of "good idea" as eating machetes
Why am I not drinking beer at 8:26am is the question
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