you thought that fire hydrant was a midget...you gave it a hug and asked for a lollipop.
screw that ipod for my birthday.. i just want a weed brownie the size of my face. that's all.
Last night when I was hammered I set a reminder to tell you that your boobs are my favorite ones in the world, so this is me giving you that message.
I'd suck anything for a pizza right now
All I remember is saying that "fire will make it all better"
Mystery lines found in a Pyrex dish in the back of my pantry at 415 am. No recall as to it's origin. Unidentifiable taste. Obviously I'm doing them
he was definitely TRYING to give me herpes.
Someone just bought me a one liter long island and call me maybe is on. I'm going to die
I'm pretty sure there a million tiny ninjas in my uterus poking me with sticks.
that is terrible, if I can't drink Gatorade when I'm hungover I don't wanna live in this world. that's like denying wild rams to run free in the wild and frolic
You kept purposefully giving me wrong directions, laughing, then yelling at me for taking directions from a drunk person.
I mean I just feel if I'm not being fat and lazy then I'm not really being myself
Homeboy just asked me to strip for him. He should not be this horny and allowed to be in Vegas with his kid.
HE CALLED HIMSELF HOT BAR GUY.
If I remember correctly he wasn’t
He's a wizard, there is no other explanation for how hard I came last night. None.
Randomize
