my sisters under your porch take her home
How long after st. Patrick's day is it ok to shit green before I should seek medicial attention?
so it turns out that "condoms galore" does, indeed, come up on your bank statement
Just saw a woman in a hospital gown with a Steelers jersey on top smoking a cigarette while hooked up to an IV outside of the hospital. I love Pittsburgh.
Already puke and ralleyd and dressed like a bear.
You started a dance party so that you could steal their vodka and shouted "sailors out!"
I think the world is coming to an end. Earthquakes, huricanes, floods, and now you say you LOVE him. Im building a shelter and going into hiding.
New carpet is nice. I'm making carpet angels. Like a fresh snowfall.
Well, that now makes it the 4th girlfriend in a row to cheat on me. I don't even care anymore...I'll date a prostitute and not even worry.
Cassie is wearing a baseball cap. This rebound is going nowhere
I wanna send them a card but I don't think hallmark makes a "sorry your fiance and another girl blew me at the same time in a frat house but congrats!" card
He kept squeezing my butt and telling me how smart I was
you made out with another girl for some wings
You'd be proud. Took my birth control today at 12:30 with a Budweiser. Guy across the bar saw and held his bottle up to salute me 😂
I’ve jerked off three times and taken five shits already today. Being hung over in your 40’s is a fucking roller coaster.
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