Woke up this morning 8 levels higher in Call of Duty then when I started drinking... told you I was better when I was drunk.
Pregaming class all semester has made this final review session more like my introduction to the topic.
my dad just referred to me and my boobs as 'the three of you'
Should have told me the night we were talking about deal breakers that vomming outside your car was one of them. I would have taken a cab back
You're getting spoiled, you better send me at least a side boob pic if you wanna see my dick dressed up as Davie Crockett.
Is everyone touching their nose at me a sign that I should stop snorting vicodin off my phone in the bathroom at school?
I just stabbed open a can of Spaghetti Os with a spork. Who says I cant take care of myself?
He held the beaver pelt from the fireplace over my crotch and asked his friend "she look familiar now?", he then remembered my name.
EMERGENCY FRIEND CRISIS: WE HAVE TOO MUCH WHISKEY. ABORT HANGING OUT WITH MELISSA, RECOMMEND TO HANG OUT WITH OUR WHISKEY INSTEAD
My only regret this past weekend is abusing only 3 substances when I could have done so much more.
My ex came over to hook up...then I went on a date 2 hours later and got a bj. Single: Finally doing it right.
I think if you have sex on the couch it will psychologically damage it.
Two things. 1) party at my house this Friday 2) what was the name of the Australian you fucked on the cruise ship?
My weirdest encounter with a stranger though was when for some reason they just gave me a box of unopened socks. Needless to say, I never used them.
Also I just had a pointless meeting and the only thing I accomplished were my kegals
Randomize
