I just woke up in my closet, wearing a pink cowboy hat and a pink thong...
I want my thong back.
I hate you tequila.
i have one hour to talk myself into enjoying giving him a blow job when i get home
Also, our mothers are placing bets on which of us will get pregnant first.
the crazy preacher outside Willard just began a monologue that began with "when i look at a vagina." We should stop by there more often
Where are you and why am I suddenly responsible for your taquitos?
I wish we couldve been like jesus and the desiples tongith
I wish I was in the big bed with a naked you post sex eating chicken nuggets
I just woke up under my desk. Not to worry though, no one is in the office yet
Welcome to stoned Saturday. Full of laser tag and beyonce and awesome
I drank enough to tranq a steed. You really missed out
"Do You Wanna Build a Snowman" came on while I was riding his dick. I had to take a moment.
I basically have the attention span of a ferret on meth when it comes to men
Overall a good night - broke my toe giving that cop a blowjob though...so there's that...
You made the lady who made your cheeseburger sign the box so that when she got famous you would have her autograph.
I am cleaning melted cheese out of my hair. This is a new experience for me
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