dude, she has braces
i meant the dude w the ponytail.
i was less creeped out when i thought you were talking about the 14 y.o.
i forgot i changed ur name in my phone to "the situation" so when u texted me i got really excited for a hot second
i thought we decided on me being "the altercation" instead
He is juggling broken glass botttles, I think its time to cut him off...
He only talks to me during the summer and it's probably because I let him fuck me in my pool last year.
Just found my old bop it. So many drinking game possibilities
This coming from the girl who broke up with a guy because she found out he played the tuba in middle school.
Burnt myself on soup.. consencus go back to hospl. they will lov me. twins in one nigh. still hve band on. fuck
Sometimes I love sober logical me. She makes rare appearances but when she does she shines.
He bought you footie pajamas. Shit's pretty serious.
All my money is going towards making my vagina hairless
Worth it.
I'm going to be an 8 year old girl down there foreverrrr #fountainofyouth
Lest it die in the depths of eternal drunken recall denial...we peed in the street. Middle of the street. Simultaneously. Peed. Street. Middle of street.
He just seemed to happy to be having sex with me that it ruined the mood for me. I just wanted to punch him.
Ha! Just garden hosed my vag and thought of you.
It's been so long since I had sex I might propose to the next girl who will sleep with me.
Oh! I forgot to tell you. Part of that weird ass dream last night. I was jamie lee curtis and I cut off all my hair because yogurt.
Randomize
