I just jerked it to the same porn two nights in a row... and she says I have problems with commitment...
What tipped you off? The sombrero?
dude, showing up drunk to physics was the best idea ever. I just tripled my participation for the semester. I love st pattys day
i kind of just want to tell my cleaning lady I'm an alcoholic so it's not awkward when I stumble out of my room to go sit in my car for 2 hours and wait for her to finish cleaning the several empty bottles of wine in my room
We don't need a hotel, we'll just sleep in the post office.
Just headbutted a photographer. This convention just got really interesting.
Traveling before 21 and traveling after 21 are two different things. There's a whole nother world of red white and blue weird out there
What part of "he tried to put his dick in my ear" did you not understand??
i've created a new STD.
From what I heard you ordered him to lick your balls. Unless you've kept a huge secret I understand his confusion.
Whatcha doing tonight? Reply TURNUP if you are drinking, or STOP to cancel messages
Woke up with 5 texts apologizing from a number I named "guy who elbowed me in face"
pesky things like morals, self-preservation and cowardice are not needed. overkill is nothing but a word. there will be blood.
So I wore my ankle step-counter exercise thingy while I rode him. Don't fuck him- I only burned .2 pounds.
I legit measured his penis against my chapstick and it was too close to call. So that was my night.
Randomize
