She's a black belt cougar in the 6th degree.
I told you I would drunk text you sometime........its that time.
Packed at 6 am completely wasted. Damage assessment: 12 pairs of socks (no underwear), a flashlight, 3 shorts, shot glass, 8 sweaters, puff paint, one sneaker.
he woke me up at 3 am to ask me where my plunger, a towel, and staples were. i'm afraid to go into my bathroom.
I don't know what happened last night but I woke up this morning with "wolf pack" tattooed on my knuckles.
I'm at a free clinic. Feel like I should cough or sneeze so it's not blatantly obvious I'm getting checked for STI's.
She called all of my friends to find out where I was last night. 7 out of ten said their place.
More cowboy butts than you can shake a stick at, oh joy.
Shit. I'm running the whole hotel right now. The front desk girl had to run home because she left her vibrator on the counter and her brother, mom, and grandmother surprised her and are showing up to her place before she gets off work. This will end badly no matter what.
It's like your tits told gravity 'fuck you, I'm fine right here!'
I just traded 5 cigarettes for a sandwich on they greyhound.You owe me 5 cigarettes. I told you I would get hungry.
Literally this kid just told me he's not planning to live past 30. Then he hit himself with a frying pan.
She had pubes that could make an episode of Duck Dynasty. Fear the Vag Beard
Drinking wine from a straw at 6:15 in the morning. This is what college does to people.
Ah Christ I think I've reached the single life mentality 100%. I just inquired a photographer about a photo shoot with my dog.
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