So when does "going out for one drink" = giving some guy an HJ on the sidewalk?!?
She threw up all over when she was giving me dome. Not even gonna lie, it felt really good.
Next time I see you, remind me to tell you how I fell through my attic door and landed on my feet in the garage on the first floor.
Woke up with a raging boner...good feeling abt this trial
No more fucking baseball tools. Walk-of-shamed home in only a pinstriped jersey and a Red Sox SnapBack.
I feel like passing out with my foot on your face has bonded us at a very fundamental level.
The 78 year old woman who works next to me divorced her ex husband, remarried her first husband, and retired all in one day. I'd say it makes your breakup on Valentine's day pretty insignificant.
I need you to perform a face transplant. Please remove your face from your accounting book and relocate it to where it's most needed - between my legs.
He and I are in a competition of who can sleep with the most people at work. We're tied at two. I could win this if they'd stop hiring damn straight girls.
whatever bro. i had ice cream and whiskey for breakfast and its noon. this is the second worst christmas ever.
Is it weird that my ex and the dude I'm talking to now both only have one testicle? Apparently I've found my type..
By far the fardest thing to do drunk is open a band aid
But seriously I might need help getting spray paint off of my body.... But don't worry about the penis I scrubbed him already
I just spent 100$ at a sex shop to make myself feel better. And I signed you up to win 200$ so if you win, it's mine. And yes I'm serious.
I'm going to force her to break up with me this week. Tonight I plan to shit the bed. If that doesn't work I'm not sure what's next.
Randomize
