At this point, I would light birthday candles in my vagina for free drinks
how the fuck did you end up in georgia? you were here at my party dry humping some chick 2 hours ago
so you mean to tell me that there is no way you can get me?
.....then i was kicked out of my work christmas party......
just did awkward shuffle by the bagels in the dining hall at 7:30 AM with a kid i've hooked up with. goodbye freshman year.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Used a cardboard box as a pillow and a towel as a blanket. Its like the great depression over here
You need to come over. I cant get her to stop eating honey mustard straight from the squeeze bottle
Standards are awful. It's like living in the zombie apocalypse. You can only have sex with certain people
no. i discovered the *exact* amount of drugs i need to do to understand calculus.
Not much. Some creepy guy on Grindr thinks he knows who I am and where I live. So I sent him to that place with jockstraps and bacon. Hope he has fun.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So they just told me that while I was being loaded into the ambulance the cop told them if they were good friends they'd post it on Facebook...
The subtweets were good enough
We got signed out of jail by an Uber driver. I think that qualifies as a great first night of college
I mixed Jack with hot chocolate. This may be the best or worst idea ever. I have yet to find that out
DO NOT PREHEAT THE OVEN THIS MORNING! WE STARTED USING IT AS A WINE STASH AROUND MIDNIGHT.
color coded lube a great way to organize my bootie calls
Woke up this morning with a plate of ravioli in my bed. Who says being single can't be fun?
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