I'm trying this new thing, it's called standards
The only dream I remember having is one where my dad's sperm turned into baby hippos. Like, tiny baby hippos, pocket-sized. I am so fucked up.
I am willing to take shots of vanilla extract. That's how this night has been.
We found him. 8 blocks away from the bars and almost at his parent's house. On the verge of tears.
im drinking italian dressing and watching dexter. its 230am. lets never drink on sundays again.
Roommate is eating a chimichanga, watching Dr Doolittle 2 and weeping. His Tuesday hangovers make me feel better about my life.
I opened my door to find him standing there with vodka, McDonalds, a smile and a hard-on. Of course I let him in.
I have got to stop letting people hang ornaments from my nipple ring.
Tis the season.
i was sitting in the back of a squad car completely stoned watching airplanes take off
Drinking wine from a straw at 6:15 in the morning. This is what college does to people.
11% beer and firearms, what could possibly go wrong?
We got stoned and took selfies with the most perfect lawn
she just kept pointing at the cows and calling them field penguins
It was sweet, he carried me out of my bathroom after I passed out, built me a pillow fort so I wouldn't roll out of bed, set a glass of water on the table, and brought me a mixing bowl to puke in. Totally a sign we're more than just fuckbuddies.
Like he legitimately was standing straight up, feet on the roof, not holding on to a moving car.
Randomize
