My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.
Also I am about to cut a ringtone from "Sex Machine" so James Brown can tell me to "get up, get on up" in the morning
I once woke up to the scream from 'get up offa that thing' and smacked my head on my desk
I think my hot accountant is wearing banana republic. I miss the days when that ='ed gay. Signals are so confusing now.
Preparing for wine wednesday. How would you feel about improvising and starting a white russian wednesday tomorrow instead? you know, shake things up a bit.
just had a memory of me telling homeless mark that it was the year of the bunny and he said "you da bunny, girl"
so according the 72 facebook statuses i put up last night that i don't recall, i would say it was a success. how about you?
whoever put homecoming and halloween on the same weekend owes me a new liver and a get out of jail free card.
I think mom knows I'm drunk I put a full blown balloon in the fridge.
At this point can I suggest a mail away bride. You judge Nick but you are a strange dude and that may be your ticket.
I legitimately had a champagne shower last night at a rave. I was also carrying around two bananas in my pockets like guns. Drunk doesn't even. Begin to explain My night.
Dude, Donte totally wants it. I don't have any idea how I do it. I'm not even cool. I'm not even the hero Gotham deserves. I'm barely high. My hands are swelling. Want me to pick you up anything from five guys?
We got high and watched Winnie the Pooh. Isn't that what every normal person does on their break?
I saw the attitude and didn't even try. Line of the night from one guy who talked with them for a while said, "I don't meet you standards. I have a job and would treat you well." She was blank faced.
In Texas. Drank way too much wine. Puked in a gallon zip lock bag. Passed out at 445 with the ENTIRE family here. Got up at 745 in time for dinner. I made you proud!!!
Can I make sure all my sluttiness goes to you when I die? You're the only person I know who'll make use of it
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