oh, and bring over your fire extinguisher. we're gonna get the mailman again
just convinced someone I was a virgin. I love when people don't know me.
You tried feeding my python vodka through a funnel. Fuck off.
koolaid chicken. i marinated it for 2 hours and roasted it on a rock in a fire. it was bright blue and raw. but that shit was tasty
Well it looked like you were having a fucking apiphany sitting at the toilet with a t shirt around your head
In a shocking revelation, I learned that the Easter Sunday shit show happened not because of vodka but because my gay neighbor drugged me.
The US State Dept doesn't need to know I'm a high strung drunken whore.
I just dropped $300 on lingerie. He better rip this off with his teeth.
So I'm not dead, but close call. I think I can handle one more bar.
Some guy just ordered at Cosmo and 2 screwdrivers in the sky club at 8:30 am. I'm starting to feel a lot better about my alcoholism
she fell THROUGH the wall. All in all id have to say that my neighbors where pretty chill about it tho.
ANNA YOU PEED ON THE STREET. LIKE NOT EVEN SUBTLY. YA JUST SQUATTED IN THE MIDDLE OF THE HIGHWAY. And you flashed your tits to oncoming vehicles to try to get them to pick us up
Sometimes you wanna cuddle and sometimes you wanna get blown in the bathroom.
I realized today that the only things I'm guaranteed to have with me at all times are lipgloss, condoms and a USB drive. hmmm...
Your friend was nice but you didn't have to bang her in my kitchen...just sayin.
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