Anyone ask you how much a bj cost yet? That shirt is so whorish
we're on our way back. she tried to pants the waiter again.
But theres a keg here and me gusta
We just taught the Brazilian how to smoke out of a vuvuzela.
This guy keeps going off in the metal detector. When is it appropriate for me to punch him in the throat just in case?
I ended up in a bathroom giving my hymen a pep talk
The guys in the quick check just recognized me as the girl who bought rolling papers and whipped cream. This is the walk of shame on crack.
It's not your birthday unless mom picks you up at the bar
Fun fact: the guy I banged last night. His middle name on his birth certificate is "Windstorm."
I broke another vibrator the other day. Abstinence is not for me.
I wanna eat mushrooms and cuddle with a million dogs at once. I wanna know what heaven is like
Two questions: Did you enjoy your birthday present and how did i wake up with glitter all over my dick?
Best and worst whiskey dick ever. I am hungover and can't move from the hours of sex, he on the other hand has a raw bruised dick. I win.
Car sex in a public place. Boo ya.
It’s bad enough my brother slept with half of the sorority this year, but now he’s lifeguarding at the club and every divorcée and cougar in town is asking me for his number. My twin is a manwhore and I’ve become his pimp.
Randomize
