I wish my mouth had a period so that could be my excuse on those days I don't feel like giving head
So, right as I'm cumming, I pull out and go "PYEW PYEW" like Star Wars lasers. Best part is, I missed her completely.
I'm returning our mountain of beer cans, while wearing a Budweiser sweatshirt. i don't look like an alcoholic.
I started making my dollar bills into rings for the strippers
i'm currently connecting with my tribal roots aka i just found my recorder from 3rd grade music class... be ready for the recording
yeah the little voice in my head screaming YOU NEED TO GET LAID eventually grew legs and started kicking me so to avoid brain damage i had to fuck him
I'm pretty sure my lung is caught on my rib. And I can't feel the left side of my face. Best. Sex. Ever.
Also, yes, I look pretty rough. But my ovaries fought back this morning so getting dressed decently was not a priority.
And let me tell you, getting your ass waxed is the weirdest fucking experience.
By the way can you translate "sorry, she played you bruh" to Spanish? Some Hispanic guy who spoke absolutely no English callled me last night and when I tried to tell him he had the wrong number the response was "como? No no no no...." And then click. He was gone
Did she seriously come back inside just to piss on the kitchen floor?
How my distance relationship is going: he's trying to sext me & I'm stuffing pizza in my face.
Somehow my family started talking about sex toys at breakfast.
You were painting for six hours and managed one four foot wall. "The Mellow Handyman" isn't a good business model.
we went to the skate park then back to her house for dinner, and somehow that ended with her making me blueberry pancakes at 2am
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